It's a new year!

I know lots of people make New year's resolutions around now, but they often don't last...
I've recently taken some time to reflect on the past year... 2016 has been challenging. A lot of new experiences, and a lot of them not necessarily good. And yet at the same time I feel like nothing's happened, like I'm just stuck in a constant.
Looking forward to 2017, there's the potential for a lot more changes, for goals, and resolutions, but there was only really one thing that I could think of that I really want for this year... I want to become a person I want to be, where I'd be comfortable to shout from a rooftop, 'this is me' ... And I'm not that person at the moment.
Please be praying for me, as I will also be praying for you, that when we shout from that rooftop, God might respond... 'and you are mine'

It's a minefield mindfield!

I feel like blogging is dying. Or to a wider extent the art of the written word. Vlogging and audio is taking over. But then, I'm not doing anything to help this predicament by only posting a couple times a year.

As an occasional blogger I often forget what the last thing was I wrote about, and when. I say wrote, but I actually feel like I'm talking to you - that's the way I write. Perhaps I should get into vlogging since I already write that way... sorry, back on topic. I often forget... and so I will go back and read the last few entries before I write a new post. The thing is, I'm so often surprised by what I read - like, did I really say that, that sounds really wise or eloquent or thought out which just isn't the way I see myself day to day... but then again, I have to be in a special kind of mood to write a blog normally. Or get me when I'm really tired (I mean REALLY tired) and I can get really philosophical, so much so I confuse myself.

Do you guys ever get that? Just like do a double take, 'did that really just come out of my mouth, my head?!' But then I start to feel bad. I was so right, that's really good advice - I'm not doing that at all, I should start to take my own advice. How many of you guys neglect to take your own advice as well?

It's 2016! Can you believe it? I'm sure that the older I get the faster time is passing. Or perhaps they secretly embed us with something when we're young to change our conception of time as we get older as an attempt to lower suicide, depression, and other such bad things - because just imagine what it would be like for some people if time passed as slowly now as it did when we were three or four years old. Oh my goodness, the year would never end as opposed to currently flying by.

Anyway, I wanted to catch you all up a little bit on me. (That sounds so self centred). A lot's been happening in my life recently, but also not much at all. On the outside life is pretty quiet and calm, and on the inside it's a metaphorical minefield just waiting to explode! (My mind scares me sometimes). So, there are four main things I'd like to share with you in a vague manner - work, study, health, and faith.

Work. I got a new job last September which was awesome because it was in a position I've never had before, and I enjoy it and it's during the day. But... I don't want to stay in it. Honestly, I like working during the day because it means I'm actually sleeping properly for the first time in I don't know how long but I'm tired of being shut up inside all day - I want to be able to go outside and enjoy some of the sunshine (especially now that we're actually getting some) and I don't like the stressful environment of my workplace either. So, good and bad.

Study. I don't know if I've talked about this before or not, but I am a terrible student. I'm not just saying that either, it's true. I always said that I would never do any more study once I finished my Bachelor because I knew that it would kill me and it would be unfair towards any of my lecturers/tutors/classmates/friends - basically anyone around me. But, I have started a Masters (via correspondence). I say I've started but that's only sort of true, because I've started twice and stopped twice - third times a charm, right?

Health. I have a few different health problems which have stuck with me over the years, the main one being IBS. This was playing up quite a bit end of last year and so the start of this year I decided that my goal for the year (a new years resolution of sorts) was to get all around healthier. So, I worked out what was making me sick, started being more active, readjusted my eating habits, started sleeping proper hours, began a fitness regime. Some weeks are better than others (last week was a bad week) but overall I am already feeling healthier. You're very welcome to check in with me on this, and keep me accountable over the next year.

Faith. As you'll know or will have worked out if you know me at all, or have read any of my other blogs - I'm a Christian. Not just a label to give myself, but honestly believe that Jesus was a real man and is God, and is the Christ (the promised saviour) who is still alive today and will return to judge everyone and that our ultimate purpose in life is to be in relationship with God through Him. These things I still believe. I'd like to say unwaveringly or without a doubt but that would be a lie, there are times, now and again, when there will be that moment when you say to yourself, 'Do I really believe that? That sounds crazy.' but in the same moment I also say yes, I do believe that, and I believe it because.... a, b, c. It's not blind faith, it's faith with it's eyes wide open. But I have been struggling a lot recently with spending time with God - with reading my Bible, with intentional prayer, with being 'still'. And also I have been challenged or confused or investigating, I don't know what the right word is to use, on a number of different issues related to the church (institution), the church (body), and the Christian life (morals/ethics). The church (institution) has got things wrong in the past and makes you wonder and question if perhaps they have some things wrong now. And upon reading the Bible, and listening to differing opinions on different issues sometimes I come back being unconvinced either way which is extremely frustrating! (So, this is mainly what's messing with my head)

Okay, I think that's the end of my ramblings today. If you have any thoughts or questions or suggestions, etc. please comment below. Thanks for making it to the end!

 

Trust

Recently I have been traveling through Italy a little on holidays but also using the time to think about what's ahead in life, and where that might be. Thinking in this way as you move about another country I think helps you to pick out more of the little things which are different in the culture from those you are m more familiar with - not just the big things which you j have probably already heard about before you left.

I found myself asking this question - what qualities or things in life are really important to me? I thought of a number of different things but want to focus on just one, trust - and connected with that, truth.

These are two different qualities which I think we often attribute to being universal b but in actual fact, in some ways, are a lot more cultural than what we might have previously realized. This is not to compete however with universal and absolute truths but more with how these are understood, what they mean within a culture.

If you tell someone something and trust them not to share it with others, what does that mean? If somebody else asks about it are they to lie, either outright of by omission? Or is it okay to share it with family and close friends whom they share everything with normally? Or can they share about it with anyone providing they don't say who it is? Or maybe they can share vague details and say who it is? And then what about when they want to help, either by prayer, support of some kind, or more practically or directly - can they share then, and how much?

I can think of situations with different people from different cultures where each of these is acceptable and maintaining the trust given them, and also of situations with different people from different cultures where each of these would break the trust given to them. So in this way, trust and what that means is imbedded into our culture.

There are two main problems with trust - the first is the existence of secrets, and the second is human error. I think the problem with secrets and trust is an obvious one but with human error let me give two examples. The first, 'don't worry, I'll catch you - trust me' and they don't. What's gone wrong? They've misjudged their capabilities, or the distance/landing place, or between distracted for a moment, or weren't ready when the other person decided to drop... Human error. The second human error is in regards to truths and our understanding of conceptions of the world. For example, take into consideration the religions of the world - one might say this is truth while another says that it is truth and the previous is a lie - we must consider what is being said and decide which one is telling the trek other and which one is lying... Or are they both lying, but they can't both be telling the truth. Or consider previous scientific principles and discoveries which in further years have been proven to be false, a misunderstanding of the information at hand, or rather missing an important piece of information to complete the puzzle correctly.

If trust is implicitly problematic and not really ever truly particle considering the above problems and its grounding in culture, why is it so important to us? I would suggest that it's because of these very reasons that it is so important to us. Trust, rather than being imbedded in culture or always delivering disappointment is rather rooted in the fundamental human relationship.

There are many different levels and ideas of trust but the real trust which we look for is in the idea that we can know and understand another human being so well that there is an explicit understanding of exactly what they mean. A trust which goes beyond words and into the depths of who that person is, subconsciously knowing their body language which says often so much more than what comes from their mouths.

And then there is the trust which is rooted into the confidence one had with an absolute truth. It is not an idea that we put trust into as much as some people would like to say that it is, but trust always belongs to a being. They may trust a friend, relative, of teacher who told them about this; or they may trust in themselves and their own understanding of the way things are, but for some they trust in an invisible and eternal being who is so much more trustworthy than any other since he had known us since the beginning of the world and promises to be with us into eternity - He knows us completely in a way that no other ever can, he understands, and while we don't know him the same way he never changes so only truth comes from him and he invites us to come and know him in a similar way, even if it will take eternity - it is an adventure and relationship greater than any other.

Do you have any thoughts on trust???