Goodbye

I don't know about you, but I really don't like saying goodbye. The way it gets awkward because you know it's going to be the last time, at least for a while that you're going to see this person. How you don't quite know when to let go, whether to hold on for longer or just get it over with quick. The way it actually signals that it is the end of something and so you can't quite hold onto it the same way any longer.

Most of the time I like to just slip away un-noticed and avoid the goodbyes altogether. This is partly due to my dislike of attention and partly because it brings everything into attention.

Just recently I was 'surprised' with a surprise farewell that some of my friends organised for me and I am ashamed to say that I wasn't very good about it. At least at first anyway. Having just been greated by a room full of smiling faces my response was sorry, the surprise didn't work. My natural reaction to anything slightly surprising or which catches me off guard is defence. So automatic reaction is BARRIERS UP! DEFEND! Don't let anyone see what is actually going on inside.

It is only afterwards that I actually realise what has already been done though and it is too late to alter things or make an apology without bringing it all up again. But more than this my focus was on myself at that moment in time and not on those others in the room. My friends whom God has blessed into my life. That they had taken the time out to come and sneak in to surprise me. That they had organised this for me. I felt so very loved and overwhelmed at the same time that I could do nothing more than hide it and hurl unkind words.

So, I am sorry. And I am very thankful. Please forgive me. I feel very blessed to know that you consider me a friend and are willing to put in the time and effort to see me before I leave. I pray now that I too may be a worthy friend to you, that I too may be able to put in that time and effort to keep up with each of you even while I am absent.

God Bless.